CFB Week 4 winners and losers: Auburn and Missouri play the worst recreation ever

Week 4 of faculty soccer has come and gone, with some welcome modifications which can be mirrored within the polls. We had loopy endings all around the nation, one other coach obtained fired, and there have been some spectacular performances throughout.

Georgia was examined by…Kent State? Chase a bag, Golden Flashes, chase a bag. Ohio State continued their pattern of being mindmeltingly superior on offense by demolishing Wisconsin on Saturday evening, and HOW ‘BOUT THOSE UNDEFEATED JAYHAWKS?

Nonetheless, it’s a new week, which suggests we have now one other version of winners and losers, beginning with a historic efficiency from… Fordham?

Winner: Fordham WR Fotis Kokosioulis

When you would’ve advised me at first of the season that essentially the most spectacular receiving efficiency of the season so far can be from Fordham-Ohio I might need laughed you out of the room. Nonetheless, Fordham receiver Fotis Kokosioulis completely put Ohio in a blender on Saturday.

Kokosioulis had 13 catches for 320 YARDS and 4 touchdowns of their loss to Ohio, setting the report for many receiving yards in a recreation for the Patriot League. Kokosioulis completely crushed Bobcat defenders from the slot, and pulled away from defenders on an 84 yard landing as effectively.

You understand how spectacular it’s to account for nearly 64% of your groups’ total passing offense? ON 13 CATCHES? That’s virtually 25 yards per catch, in an precise soccer recreation! AND THEY LOST! If it had been me, I’d be heated if I put up virtually as many receiving yards as Iowa has complete passing yards and we misplaced the sport.

Both manner, Kokosioulis will get a helmet sticker, and doubtless the longest ice tub within the historical past of ice baths.

Loser: everybody who watched Auburn-Missouri

To everybody who watched the Auburn-Missouri “soccer” recreation:

I’m so sorry. There needs to be medical compensation for us.

The Tiger Battle was extra like a Tiger… pillow battle, with each groups making an attempt their hardest to lose the sport. The Auburn Tigers solely ran for 1.8 yards per carry in opposition to the SEC’s worst speeding protection, whereas Missouri acquired the skills of 5 star freshman receiver Luther Burden within the earlier recruiting cycle, and he had a grand complete of… zero touches. That’s good soccer.

On high of that, this occurred within the second half:

For the individuals counting at house, that’s 12 consecutive punts. Kirk Ferentz is someplace salivating at this graphic, wishing he had the may to punt 12 straight instances.

Auburn gained in time beyond regulation 17-14, however not earlier than this recreation obtained any extra silly. The Auburn Tigers tried to go for it on fourth and one to proceed on their potential recreation successful drive— and naturally they didn’t get it. The Missouri Tigers went on a 9 play drive to get all the way in which all the way down to the Auburn eight yard line, then took two knees to arrange Harrison Mevis for a recreation successful area aim, who, thoughts you, doesn’t observe kicks in pregame.

And…

This was punishment for the faculty soccer fan from God, forcing this recreation to proceed.

Begrudgingly, we head to OT, the place Auburn virtually throws an interception on the drive, however kicks a area aim to go up 17-14. Missouri will get the ball again, and that’s when issues get fascinating. The Tigers have an opportunity to win the sport with a landing, and RB Nathaniel Peat noticed daylight. Sadly, he solely prolonged the ball with one hand, and the ball obtained knocked out. Fortunately, this recreation was over.

This recreation was miserable to look at. Neither offense might get something going, and neither teaching workers truly seemed ready for this recreation. Auburn head man Bryan Harsin is teaching for his job each week, and boy he should’ve been packing his luggage as Missouri arrange for a area aim. Missouri, eager to torture Auburn followers, gave the win to the Tigers, guaranteeing no less than yet another week of Harsin ball. Battle Eagle.

Winner: Stephen F. Austin

Stephen F. Austin?

(/crowd: what?)

The Lumberjacks?

(/crowd: what?)

The satisfaction of Nacogdoches, Texas?

(/crowd: what?)

Texas’ greatest soccer crew?

(/crowd: what?)

The Lumberjacks opened a Steveweiser and cracked open a can of whoop ass on poor outdated Warner College, successful 98-0.

That’s proper.

98 factors.

98.

The Lumberjacks had extra passing yards than Warner had complete yards. QBs mixed to throw for eight touchdowns, they usually set the WAC report for factors in a recreation.

The craziest half is that they may’ve had 100, however they kneeled on the 2 level conversion to finish the sport.

They kneeled.

Me personally, I’m not taking that sort of disrespect. When you’re gonna beat me, beat me by 100. I wish to go down in historical past because the worst loser. Stab me within the chest with the sword, don’t make me commit seppuku. Beat me like a person! Have some satisfaction!

The Lumberjacks put up extra factors in a recreation than Northwestern has your entire season. They threw for extra touchdowns on this recreation than Iowa has in any respect this season. What I’m making an attempt to say right here is: put Stephen F. Austin within the Large Ten West they usually may win it.

Loser: Arkansas Ok Cam Little

I truthfully don’t have any phrases to explain what occurred in Arkansas-Texas A&M. Each time they get collectively issues simply get actually bizarre and insane, and you already know somebody’s going house drunk (in the event that they make it house). The 2022 model of this recreation had all of it. A&M discovered an offense (kinda), Arkansas QB KJ Jefferson slowly shifting individuals out of his manner like a carnival float, and a fumble restoration handed off to a teammate who then scored a TD.

Nonetheless, kicker Cam Little will all the time be remembered, not due to making a area aim, no. He’ll be remembered for this:

Sure, that ball hit the highest of the goalpost and careened away, making it no good and the Aggies win. In my 22 years of life, I’ve seen numerous doinks. I’ve seen quiet doinks, I’ve seen loud doinks.

I’ve by no means seen this ever in my life.

I don’t suppose Little might do that once more if he tried, not to mention in probably the most excessive strain conditions in soccer. I don’t even suppose trick shot artists might do that!

I actually simply wish to give Little a hug. It’ll be alright, man.

Winner: Texas Tech

How ‘bout these Pink Raiders? Texas Tech surprised Texas 34-31 in time beyond regulation, with star Longhorn RB Bijan Robinson fumbling within the Longhorn’s first drive in time beyond regulation.

It wasn’t all the time fairly for the Pink Raiders; Texas was up 31-17 halfway via the third quarter. However one factor Joey McGuire has instilled in his crew is the flexibility to battle after they had been down. That is the second recreation the Pink Raiders have performed that’s gone into OT, they usually’re now 2-0.

Plus, Joey McGuire stated this after the sport, which made me wish to run via the closest brick wall:

Loser: Michigan State

Sparty… is the whole lot okay? Michigan State was boat raced by Minnesota 34-7 on Saturday, and the Spartans offense solely managed to realize 240 complete yards. Per week after being dominated by Washington on the street.

Michigan State appears to don’t have any route offensively. Placing all of the belief on QB Payton Thorne’s shoulders isn’t going as anticipated (132 yards and a pair of INTs), and there hasn’t been a receiver that stepped up outdoors of Jayden Reed.

Defensively, they could have greater points. Once I inform you they obtained walked throughout, I imply it. The Golden Gophers ran for 240 yards, on 5 yards per carry. It appeared like regardless of the Gophers wished offensively, they may have it. Michigan State introduced in so many transfers on that aspect of the ball to get the ball rolling, and it simply hasn’t labored.

The Spartans schedule gained’t get simpler, dealing with Wisconsin, Ohio State and Michigan in three of the subsequent 5 weeks. Head coach Mel Tucker goes to need to try to determine one thing out, as a result of that protection can’t proceed to get run into the bottom within the Large Ten.